The inconceivable vocabulary of child development.

That term you found on the internet? I don’t think it means what you think it means.

This week’s practical tip for families with toddlers: the internet lies. And here’s the thing - when you search about typical toddler behaviors, the internet often reflects back some sort of panic inducing information back, including terms for behaviors. Terms sort of like what you described and that are considered a sign of some delay or disorder. This is so tricky! Because the page that pops up can really seem to match what you are asking about - and now you are sure your child does this thing that is Very Concerning. But please understand this before you panic: it could all be a misunderstanding.

In fact, that puzzling thing your toddler is doing could be a typical, age appropriate behavior they are supposed to do. So, please, pleeease ask a real life person who is an expert in early childhood (instead of asking the internet or your friend who also doomscrolled her way into panic about her own child).

Think this is a silly thing to worry about? How hard could it be to learn about early childhood terms online?

I will share five specific real life examples of terms misunderstood by worried caregivers who searched the web and thought what their child was doing was: 1) echolalia, 2) stimming, 3) vocal stimming, 4) gestalt language, and 5) hand flapping.

But what was really happening?

The child was not doing echolalia, they were…

repeating a word after a caregiver model. Toddlers repeating a word after a model is a typical behavior we want to happen as it is a way kids practice learning to talk.

The child was not stimming, they were…

doing a new fine motor activity repetitively. Often when a child is learning to do a new simple skill, they want to do it over and over. Repetitive actions can be very typical and in this case there were no concerns to my more seasoned eyes. (When do I find repetitive actions concerning? A topic for another week!)

This child was not vocal stimming, they were…

babbling. Reduplicative babbling to be specific. This would be an earlier stage of babbling where the child is supposed to make the same sound in a string. Babababa or mamama is a typical babbling stage.

This child was not showing gestalt language processing, they were…

singing. For evidence based information on gestalt language processing, I highly recommend the Informed SLP article: “Let’s Give Them Something to Gestalt About”. For kids who are interested in singing, woohoo! Singing can be a great way for them to improve auditory awareness and be a high interest and fun way to practice making sounds and matching pitch if not quite words.

This child was not hand flapping, they were…

trying to use baby sign language. Woo hoo! Baby signs can often help kids communicate while they are still trying to figure out how to make sounds. It is a great skill to be encouraged, not worried about.

So, you see why I express caution, as I see these kinds of misunderstandings and mislabels happening more and more often. When you do get in front of an expert, consider sharing a video of your child doing what you are concerned about and/or describe it without specialized terms. Because it really is the worst case scenario that you use terms incorrectly and are taken seriously. You might be accidentally leading your provider to a misdiagnosis. I feel this may have happened to some of my own families though I have tried to help them understand terms they are misusing and help them to understand the typical behaviors. But when someone is locked into doomscrolling at midnight, my voice and expert observations don't always ring louder than the next clickbait article.

(Also, if you are a clinician reading this, if you aren't already, please ask follow up questions if a caregiver is using specialized terms. And you may do what I do, which is encourage families to ask me instead of search so I can provide enough accurate links that it can help better influence family algorithms.)

Bonus point: the best way to get a natural sense of typical behavior is to be around many toddlers on a regular basis. NOT just one other child and not only kids who are young, but older than yours. I once had a mom burst into tears because she was comparing her 2 year old to the only other child she knew - who turned out to be a 5 year old. She genuinely didn't know that there is a huge difference in development between those ages. And she isn’t alone. In fact, increasingly I have caregivers who either expect their almost 3 year old child to have behaviors a year or so younger or a year or so older. I cannot share enough: the milestones of 18 months, 2.5 year olds, 3.5 year olds and 4.5 year olds are miles apart! But I understand the confusion. It’s because more and more, parents of young children don’t mingle in a community. And as family sizes shrink, the likelihood of young children being in the family also becomes slimmer. These days, many parents haven’t been around a 2 year old since they were toddlers themselves. And that lack of personal experience makes them vulnerable to believing false information about early childhood on the internet. But the more you are around young children, and especially 2 year olds, the more you will see they all do certain things at that age! No need to look it up, worried, as much once you’ve seen how similar AND how unique each toddler is. As a bonus, socializing is also very good for your child. More on that another week.

As always, if you are following this newsletter, remember: I am an early intervention speech therapist, but not your speech therapist. Hopefully, this week’s topic underlines why I will always emphasize this. Most internet rhetoric invites the audience to feel like they are being spoken to personally. In this case, please don’t. I want you to remember: I don’t know you, I don’t know your child, and you don’t have any way to clarify what I mean. My obvious hope is that it might be helpful for your family, but I am very aware any of this information might not be helpful to you at all. If you have concerns about your toddler, please find your own local early intervention team to do an individualized evaluation and can coach you personally. Every state has an early intervention program of some sort, usually for no cost to you if your child qualifies. You can usually self-refer on the state EI website. I firmly believe, no internet search or newsletter will ever help you as much as individualized services. That being said, I obviously hope the information presented in this newsletter is helpful to a broad number of readers. If this newsletter has been helpful to you, please consider subscribing to help support future posts.